Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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