Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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