Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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