I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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