I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
