Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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