So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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