she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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