Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
