We tried having a conversation with our noses.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
