friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Enjoy the penises
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
