you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
