I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
