My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
