Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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