i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
