im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
