Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
