Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
