I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
