it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
