whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
