The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
