she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
