I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
