I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
