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Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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