I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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