no you cant smoke seaweed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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