i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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