i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
