I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
