I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
