singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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