Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
