I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
