o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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