i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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