hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
