Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
