I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
