she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
