dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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