my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
