The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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