Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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