allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
