he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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