hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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