i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
