Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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