i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize