I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
