my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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