I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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