i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
