hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
