Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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