We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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