are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
