I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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