I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
