I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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