I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
