Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
