i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I want to fling myself into the sun
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
