Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
