so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
