we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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