If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
