Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
