dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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