before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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