i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
