he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
