I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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