If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
